Rudy
Admin
Ahh, that's because women's brains are wired differently. Maybe this video will help to explain what I mean.
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- Thread starter GKL
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Ahh, that's because women's brains are wired differently. Maybe this video will help to explain what I mean.
NectarDetector
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- Dec 7, 2013
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Grumpy Since 55
Forum Supporter
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
============================================
THE SOD TRUCK
A blonde and her brunette friend were waiting to cross the street when a loaded sod truck drove by.
Blonde: “That’s what I’m going to do when I have a lawn.”
Brunette: “What?”
Blonde: “Send it out to be mowed!”
Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'
CAR
TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just cr ap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING
TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER
WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE
ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A
VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
=========
AND NOW, A COUPLE LASTBLONDIES!
CAR
TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just cr ap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING
TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER
WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE
ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A
VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
=========
AND NOW, A COUPLE LASTBLONDIES!
============================================
THE SOD TRUCK
A blonde and her brunette friend were waiting to cross the street when a loaded sod truck drove by.
Blonde: “That’s what I’m going to do when I have a lawn.”
Brunette: “What?”
Blonde: “Send it out to be mowed!”
GKL
Forum Supporter
A man walks into the local library and goes to the book check out counter and says loudly.......
"I'D LIKE A BIG MAC AND AN ORDER OF FRIES !"
The librarian softly whispers in reply.......
"excuse me sir, this is a library"
The man then whispers softly in reply......
"sorry..... i'd like a big mac and an order of fries".....
"I'D LIKE A BIG MAC AND AN ORDER OF FRIES !"
The librarian softly whispers in reply.......
"excuse me sir, this is a library"
The man then whispers softly in reply......
"sorry..... i'd like a big mac and an order of fries".....
Grumpa
Elite Member
A man walks into the library and asks, "Where's your self-help section?" The librarian responds, "I could tell you, but that would defeat the purpose."
A plane is on its way to toronto , when a blonde in economy class gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll
handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"i told her, 'first class isn't going to toronto."
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket.
She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will have to sit in the back.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in economy and won't move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.
The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll
handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
"i told her, 'first class isn't going to toronto."
papaharley03
Forum Supporter
So this termite walks into a bar and asks, “Where’s the bar tender?”
A blond is going on a ski trip with her boyfriend and is looking for a gift to give him. She is looking around a sporting goods store and a salesman comes up to help her. She tells him she is looking for a special gift.
He says I have just the thing. He hands her a large container. She asks him what it is. He says it's a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. She thinks for a minute and says she would take it.
On the ski hill the blond gives her boyfriend the gift. He opens it and asks what it is. She says a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. He says great, what is in it? She proudly says, four cups of coffee and two Popsicle's.
He says I have just the thing. He hands her a large container. She asks him what it is. He says it's a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. She thinks for a minute and says she would take it.
On the ski hill the blond gives her boyfriend the gift. He opens it and asks what it is. She says a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. He says great, what is in it? She proudly says, four cups of coffee and two Popsicle's.
Last edited:
SoOregonMd
Elite Member
Two Blondes end up on opposite sides of the lake..
Blond #1 yells across the lake "Hey how do I get to the other side"?
Blond #2 ponders it for a few and yells back "Silly.. you ARE on the other side"
Blond #1 yells across the lake "Hey how do I get to the other side"?
Blond #2 ponders it for a few and yells back "Silly.. you ARE on the other side"
Silversmith45
Elite Member
A blonde was speeding down the highway when she got pulled over by a traffic cop who also happened to be blonde. "Let me see your license." the woman cop said. "License?' the blonde asked. "What does it look like?" "It's sorta square and has your picture on it." the officer replied. The blonde dug through her purse and found a mirror. She looked into it and handed it to the cop. "That's me." she said. The blonde officer looked at it and said, "If I had known that you were a police officer I wouldn't have stopped you."
GKL
Forum Supporter
A few short jokes....... 
Wife says to her programmer husband,
"Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, buy a dozen."
Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
Do you want to hear a joke backwards?
Yes…
Okay, start laughing.
What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like throwing it?
Wife says to her programmer husband,
"Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, buy a dozen."
Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
Do you want to hear a joke backwards?
Yes…
Okay, start laughing.
What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like throwing it?
hawgdawg
Forum Supporter
A few short jokes.......
Wife says to her programmer husband,
"Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, buy a dozen."
Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
Do you want to hear a joke backwards?
Yes…
Okay, start laughing.
What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like throwing it?
You got me , I'm in that 94%.
heartfelt 5 hr ago
A senior citizen drove his brand new 2018 Ford Mustang GT Bullitt out of the dealership. Taking off down Interstate 70 west of Glenwood Springs, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying it thoroughly. Amazing, he thought as he flew down the interstate, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120, wow it went 150 mph. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the Colorado Highway Patrolman walked up to the Mustang, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Easter Sunday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
A senior citizen drove his brand new 2018 Ford Mustang GT Bullitt out of the dealership. Taking off down Interstate 70 west of Glenwood Springs, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying it thoroughly. Amazing, he thought as he flew down the interstate, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120, wow it went 150 mph. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the Colorado Highway Patrolman walked up to the Mustang, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Easter Sunday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Rudy
Admin
Senior Driving
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
"Heck," said Herman, It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
